A Healthy Dose of Self-Doubt
I recall being in the final stage of a job interview process and being asked “Do you own a pair of stiletto heels? If not, I can show you the pair you should buy”.
I knew this wasn’t the place for me, but I feared if I didn’t take this job, I wouldn’t be able to find another one.
“Oh yes please, that would be great!” I replied, wondering exactly how high the heels were.
For a long time, I convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of what I wanted. I told myself I wasn’t capable of going after dreams, so I settled for "okay", or "good enough".
Of course I was capable, but my internal voice convinced me otherwise.
Many of us experience similar self-doubt on a regular basis. Recent statistics show that 93% of people believe that self-confidence is critical to success, whilst 85% of people report struggling with self-doubt at some point in their lives.
Self-confidence has been shown to be positively correlated with earnings; those with low self-confidence earning significantly less than their self-confident counterparts.
But why does self-doubt manifest in some of us more than others and is there a healthy dose of self-doubt?
There are 3 core reasons why some people experience more self-doubt than others:
Beliefs that were formed in childhood through parenting, schooling & other factors during children’s crucial developmental phase affect the level we experience self-doubt in adulthood. A personal example: I had an autoimmune condition growing up and so my mum tried extra hard to protect me (albeit with good intentions). This gave me a naturally hyper-vigilant nature, which I have had to confront as an adult seeking to expand and try new things.
Current environmental factors such as negative personal relationships or a toxic work culture. For example, in a “blame culture” if something goes wrong or results aren’t achieved, the culture of the organisation is to look for someone to place fault on. An experimental study revealed that blame cultures reduce employees' abilities to make decisions, take responsibility and can lead to reduced organisational performance.
The final group that experiences more self-doubt, is those who regularly push themselves outside of their comfort zones. Here we find the healthy kind of self-doubt, where we will focus today.
Healthy self-doubt
The thing is, there would be no need for self-doubt if we weren’t trying new things, going for growth and pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. Staying safe is the antithesis of self-doubt.
We experience self-doubt when we go outside of our normal routines. That self-doubt shows up as resistance, fear and procrastination as our ego desperately tries to keep us safe from danger (failure).
Take public speaking for example: this is known to cause more fear in humans than death. But most speakers report feeling amazing afterwards, leading to self-satisfaction, confidence and a “natural high”, showing that there isn’t any real danger there - only the danger our mind conjures up.
The role of the ego
There must be some benefits of the ego’s mental chatter; otherwise why would it occur?
The ego is of course useful when we are in real danger, as we are prompted to act, lifted into “fight or flight”- for example, we are wandering the streets alone at night and notice someone is following us. Our ego says “protect your bag, make a phone call, stay safe” - here, we need the ego.
But when it comes to our growth, the only thing the ego does is keep us in our box, preventing us from moving forward and growing in the ways we desire and actually need as human beings.
Great risk = greater reward
In order to make progress on our goals and develop self-confidence, we must learn to make friends with our self-doubt - getting to know it for what it is and so empowering ourselves to distinguish between real danger and opportunity for growth disguised as danger.
Think about a time where you were terrified but you did it anyway? How did you feel after? I bet you felt fine, or better than fine. 9 times out of 10, the bad stuff only exists in our heads.
The beautiful thing is, you wouldn’t be experiencing doubt if you weren’t pushing yourself and growing in the process - this is why it is healthy doubt. I challenge you to lean into this feeling as often as you can, feel the feels and continue anyway. The resistance and doubt is showing you where you can grow.
The world is ever changing and evolving, and if we don’t grow with it, we become stuck. This stuckness can lead to chronic demotivation, anger, substance abuse and many more adverse effects. Humans are wired for growth.
How to distinguish between healthy resistance & real danger
It’s essential we are able to distinguish between the self-doubt/ fear we should lean into and the fear that is showing us what is not aligned for us.
Procrastination as an indicator of self-doubt
The things we are procrastinating on are a good place to find our self-doubt. We procrastinate on things we know we should do, but we don’t feel 100% competent in doing, or they challenge us in some way. This shows where you have resistance, and therefore indicates the edge of your comfort zone.
For example, I have been procrastinating on making a video I need to make for one of my corporate clients. I dislike being on film, but I know this is one of my major growth areas as it’s a really important part of building communication and building trust as a coach.
Doing things that challenge us are also proven to improve our self-confidence more generally, as we are proving to ourselves that we are mentally tough and can do hard things.
Questions to ask yourself about your procrastination:
What is it telling me?
What needs my attention?
Is there an opportunity for growth?
What is the worst that will happen if I do the thing?
What is the best thing that can happen?
How can I get unstuck here?
Admiration is inspiration
Those we admire, show us something that’s inside of us that we are yet to fully unlock. The qualities we notice in others are often present within ourselves and can act as a helpful guide to highlight where we too can grow.
Identify someone you admire or look up to professionally. What is the quality in them you admire? What is the difference between you and them?
For example, you might admire someones ability to lead others with kindness and compassion, but you haven’t been a leader before yourself. Perhaps you don’t think you would make a great leader because you are so kind, but this is exactly what will make you the leader you are meant to become.
What you can see in others is present within you. You first need to acknowledge it, then lean into it.
Good luck!
I recently launched the 90-Day Career Accelerator, so women can gain the tools, strategy and confidence they need to overcome self-doubt and create the careers they dream of. Limited spots available, get in touch for a free 1:1 chat to find out more or get in touch to request more information @ consciouscareercoach@gmail.com.
References
Khatri, N., Brown, G. D. & Hicks, L. L. (2009) From a blame culture to a just culture in health care. Health Care Management Review, 34, 312–322. doi: 10.1097/HMR.0b013e3181a3b709
Gorini, A., Miglioretti, M., & Pravettoni, G. (2012). A new perspective on blame culture: an experimental study. Journal of Evaluation in Clinical Practice, 18(3), 671-675.
Gitnux: Workplace Conflict Statistics & Work-life Balance
